Ryan Reynolds Is The Highlander

No, really: http://www.themarysue.com/ryan-reynolds-lands-highlander-lead/

My brother just pointed out there is a Highlander reboot on the way. And it will star Ryan Reynolds. We just brain-stormed the trailer, which I think you’ll agree captures the probable story, and plays to Ry Rey’s strength. (strengths is inappropriate – he can be only one!)

(panning shot over New York, set to a Glee kids cover of Queen’s “I Want To Break Free”)

VO
“Meet Connor…he’s cool, he’s popular with the ladies, and he’s just about to get the big break he’s been waiting for at work”

(Montage of Ry Rey being cool, charming, high-fiving himself after boss has been approving)

“But all that’s about to change, when his crazy Spanish-Scottish-Egyptian uncle comes to visit…

(bedraggled Uncle who is Not-Sean-Connery turns up at Ry Rey’s door who himself looks dishevelled after a night of wildness that has left him more than a bit confused)

“Let me in. I’m your uncle.”

“But…you’re Scottish”

“A LOT OF UNCLES ARE SCOTTISH.”

(Uncle barges in, looks around disapprovingly.)

“Oh, and you’re the Highlander. Grab my bags.”

(Ry Rey leans out of door, grabs…Swords.)

“<INSERT TRADEMARK WITTY RY REY LINE ABOUT SWORDS ARE NOT CLOTHES>”

(Montage of Ry Rey showing Uncle around big city, learning to sword-fight, gets hit by a taxi. Uncle looks down at him from sidewalk. Song abruptly stops, like a record scratch.)

“Oh yes…and you can’t die.”

(New song starts. It’s Queen’s  “We Are the Champions”, covered by the Glee kids)

VO
“Can he win the girl, close the big deal, grow up enough to do right by his dead brother’s orphaned child, while fighting off immortal warriors from around the world? It would take one of a kind….”

(Ry Rey montage being One Of A Kind. He smiles a lot, carries swords in public, looks cute when trying to tell cops why he needs swords)

“These are for my…pilates class. I teach pilates. And then I go to work. As a chef.”

“And you need swords…for that?”

“The meat is really big. And the same at the restaurant.”

VO
“In an action-comedy that’ll have you laughing your heads off, Ryan Reynolds is..The Highlander!”

(Closing sequence of sword play, Ry Rey looking awkward, and spouting a hilarious improv line. Not-Sean-Connery looks exasperated)

Van Highlander 3: There Can Be Only One

WHAT DO YOU THINK!? I’m there – day one. Summit Entertainment, call me.

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~ by nick on June 29, 2012.

One Response to “Ryan Reynolds Is The Highlander”

  1. Ry Rey? I’m there.

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