Rates of Service

Nick has many skills and abilities. He will even make some available through commercial arrangements outlined below…

New Copy

$3.00 per word. Simple as that.

Editing Existing Copy/Rewriting New Copy

15 Minute Block (for the first hour): $25.00
15 Minute Block (every hour after the first): $15.00
Did you provide your text in a word document? -$2.00
Was your text in an otherwise easily available format? (web page/email/pdf) -$2.00
Did you use Comic Sans? +$5.00
Was the content enjoyable to read? -$2.00
Have I known you 15+ years? -$2.00
Are you, or have you been a colleague? -$2.00
Do you think John Carpenter is under-rated? -$2.00
Are we friends on Xbox Live? -$2.00
Do you think that Time seizes its marches at the golden arches?
Do you know where the above idea comes from? -$2.00

Thwarting Enemies

First Thwarting of a unique Enemy $45.00 (includes background checks and Investigation into possible vulnerabilities)
Repeat Thwarting of a previously Thwarted Enemy within 24 hours of previous Thwarting. $15.00 for each additional encounter

Problem Solving

Problem Solved $23.00 (includes checking out my hook while a DJ revolves it)
Solved Problem Explained $2.00 ‘Cause I got 99 problems and this problem aint 1.

Isn’t one. No more.

ANY more.


Small Trouble Made $40 for each incident over a weekly period
Big Trouble Made $80 for each incident over a weekly period
Big Trouble Made in Little China FREE (Seriously, I will send you a copy – I love this film so damn much)
LOTS of Trouble Made $1.00 for each additional square metre covered in trouble


Riot Started $250 for every 100 people involved
Riot Ended $250 per riot. 10% discount on every 5th riot ended within 10 minutes of first encountered

For any service not covered in the above, please fill out the following form, and Nick will be in touch.

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