It’s not masochism, it’s art from a galaxy far, far away…

Today, as I was hammering out a very bad version of the “blast from the past” line ( it was so butchered I had to use “pasta” so that it continued to rhyme) , I was suddenly jolted by the “two-week-later-reminder” in my mind, and sat bolt-upright. It was not unlike being struck by lightning, or having ice put down your shirt.

Don’t ask why I know how both of these feel – they say ice never strikes twice. THIS IS A LIE.

Previously, on…this blog, I wrote about Star Wars, and George Lucas being a currency-laden black hole for our collective disposal cash. I am implying, not subtly, that he has a strong gravity field that will steal your money. He is a giant va-cash-uum. That word sounds/looks too much like my favourite kind of nut, and I’m digressing badly. My point in the previous post, was that he is flogging an already very dead horse, possibly with very fast, industrial-rated machinery, and we are all paying top dollar for front row seats to a morbid and now-boring spectacle we have seen many times before. I am referring to his doctoring of his own movies, once again.

The thing that makes me revisit this topic is not the need for another expression of vitriol, but rather a need to set a record straight. Since I wrote up that slanderous piece, I received feedback that went (if not to the very word), something a bit like this:

“On the weekend we were in Minotaur, and I saw a big kit of a Millennium Falcon. Two fully grown men were excitedly talking about it. They reminded me of you and your blog.”

I may have removed the emotion from the statement – my impending rage and frustration may have also overshadowed it to the extent that my recollection has a contrast reducing one side to dead-pan. My recollection of things and my internal guaging of their emotive are of little consequence. The important thing, is that I’ve either tarred myself with the wrong brush, or was too subtle in my bashing of Lucas’ business plan. I am not a Star Wars fanboy, I’m very sorry. (all Star Wars fans, feel free to now flagellate my standing as a geek – I’ve taped-off-TV versions of the films to show how little I care) I think they are nice sci-fi, but nothing super special. Well, except for Jedi.

Jedi are cool. Let’s face it.

But more importantly, I do not support anyone buying a “new release” that features any of these on it’s cover:
a) a black clad, dome-headed dark lord,
b) an unrealistically buff Mark Hamill,
c) Ewan McGregor looking like a well-armed space hobo.

If the Space Lumberjack put half the effort into a new product that he puts into re-distributing these old ones, we’d be living in the golden age of science-fiction epics. Instead, we live in a world of dreck and unoriginality. So let’s not kid ourselves – these are not new releases, they are the cinematic equivalent of a “special edition” of anything by the Beatles – it’s not new, it’s not exciting, it’s simply the most recent re-offering from a long-dead creative spirit.  Ohhh, how dark.

It really would be polite of me to end on a joke. I’m not going to write about Star Wars any more. Next time I’ll write something light and fluffy on Hellraiser.

-n

(and if you really want to know what the pasta reference was, hit me up on twitter – @theexcitableboy)

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~ by nick on April 4, 2011.

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